I didn’t always think about who I spend time with. For a long time, I kept people in my life simply because they were there. Until I started noticing how I felt after being around certain people.
Some conversations left me feel drained by people.
Some made me overthink.
Some quietly pulled me away from the kind of life I was building.
Then things got worse. I ended up in an abusive relationship and fell into depression. I became very vulnerable, and some people around me took advantage of that.
At the time, I didn’t fully see it. It started small, but it quickly became normal.
Phone calls in the middle of the night — asking me to wake up, drive an hour, and pick them up, even though they knew I had work early the next morning. I was constantly exhausted, with no proper sleep.
Quickly it became favours all the time.
“Can you go pick [something] up for me?”
“I bought [it] online — just collect [it] and bring [it] to my house.”
I was spending my time and my money doing things that weren’t even mine to do.
There were also money problems. They would borrow and never return it. There was always a reason, always a story. And if I hesitated, it turned into guilt:
“You’re my best friend [where I clearly wasn’t].”
“I have no money right now and you do… are you going to leave me like this?”
It made it hard to say no.
Even at home, there were no boundaries. People would come over and take food from my fridge, as if it was normal. If I said anything, it was turned back on me:
“You can just buy another one.”
“You’ve got a car and more money than me — it’s easy for you.”
But no one asked how I was. No one noticed how tired I had become. I was giving everything — my time, my energy, my money — and getting nothing back.
I felt drained, used, and alone. And that’s when I realised something simple: the people around you shape your mental state more than you think.👉 💭
How to recognise the wrong people
It’s not always obvious. No one walks around with a sign saying “bad for your mental health”.
But you can notice patterns:
You feel worse after spending time with them.
They complain a lot, but never change anything.
They make you feel guilty for growing or changing.
They don’t respect your boundaries.
They pull you into habits you’re don’t want.
It’s not about judging them. Just noticing the effect they have on you.
Why it’s so hard to step away 🤍
This is where most people get stuck.
“I’ve known them for years.”
“It feels wrong to pull away.”
“What if I end up alone?”
But staying in the wrong environment slowly drains you — not in one big moment, but over time.
What you can actually do (realistic steps)
You don’t need to cut everyone off overnight. Start small.
Spend less time in situations that leave you drained.
Say no more often — even to simple things.
Notice who you feel calm around, and spend more time there.
Create a bit of distance first and see how you feel. Most of the time, clarity comes after that.
How to find better people (without forcing it) 🌿
You don’t find better friends by searching for perfect people. You find them by changing your environment.
Go to calmer places.
Spend time doing things that match the life you want.
Be around people who live in a way you respect.
It can be simple — a quiet café, a walk, a class, or even regular places you already go to. No pressure to become close friends immediately. Just be around a different kind of energy.
Choosing who you spend time with is not selfish. It’s how you protect your mental health.
Because the truth is simple: you slowly become like the people around you. So choose carefully.
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